“Fear Not”

Just needed to hunt down my list of first aid scriptures today.  Here is today’s selection.

Isaiah 43:1-2
1 “O Israel, Fear not: for I have redeemed thee, I have called thee by thy name; thou art mine.

2 When thou passest through the waters, I will be with thee; and through the rivers, they shall not overflow thee: when thou walkest through the fire, thou shalt not be burned; neither shall the flame kindle upon thee.”


Fall break- 2015

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Like Me?

My sweet TeaRose has had a cold this week, T- Jan 2016on top of everything.  Finally on Thursday, I let her stay home from school.  During one of our cuddles to get past a meltdown moment, she turned to me and asked,

“Did Jesus have Scoliosis like me?”

What? (think fast, think fast)- “Um- why?   Have you been talking about Christ in Seminary?”

“Yeah”- and she went on to say they had been talking about where it says He takes all our infirmities upon himself.

Ahh–  So we talked a bit about how it would take a thousand lifetimes to live out all the worlds different weaknesses and pains and illnesses, not even counting the mistakes– if he had to take them in real-time… he couldn’t do that- so in the Garden, it was poured out and sped up fast-forward, which I think is immensely harder to bear, but necessary to get it all in.  So I told her, No- even tho he did have normal stuff growing up, he did not have everything, and scoliosis was likely one of the things he experienced in super-speed at the end; but he did feel it all- he knows how she feels.

It was a good and comforting conversation.  These kids of mine think deeply often enough that it doesn’t really surprise me anymore.  Then she was back to her regular wear (so to speak) little girl self.

T- fun- Jan 2016

Amazingly enough, tho’ not really;  the very next day this lovely talk by Elder Holland came up in my facebook feed.  It fits so perfectly, that I need to end here with the link to it– enjoy- I hope it lifts your spirits like it did mine.


Categories: Courage quotes, LDS Mom of Autism, Midnight musings | Leave a comment

Snapshots from a very very long 4 weeks.

Well, Dear Friends in Blogland,

This has been a mondo last few days.  Actually, to be fair- it has been a humungous ginormous last four weeks, but I’m kinda hoping this weekend was a climax of sorts, so we can slow things down a bit.  Because I seriously want to highlight some of the highs and lows of late, but I am having a hard time finding enough calm-quiet-alone time to do any writing.  I have one of those rare half-hours, so lets see how I do.  Here we go.

Well, let’s see…..

Getting thru to the end of the school semester took almost all I had to give.   And a lot of support from Heaven.   On the good side, I (barely) remembered in time to get myself online and order gifts for “Santa”.  ( I LOVE online shopping, especially when I am so tired.)  Kydee is absolutely having the time of her life being in High School.  Going to her orchestra concerts has turned into a mom and youngest kind of thing, tho’, we leave everyone else home.

Last concert of the semester

Last concert of the semester for Kydee.  Awesome!

Dad helping get thru a photography assignment

Dad helping get thru a photography class assignment.



Not many traditions have survived the stress, but we managed to keep the Day after Thanksgiving gingerbread decorating.

DK had a bittersweet semester.  He is doing really well in keeping up in his classes except his favorite one-Mainstream Drama.  Unknown to us, he had been carefully and quietly not telling anyone that he had writing homework in that class, and it was not until the teacher reached out to his spec-ed teacher that we found out how close to failing he was.  So with a lot of help from both teachers, they pulled him thru; but with a lot of emails between me and the counselors, we decided that that maistream class just wasn’t equipped to provide the help DK needs.  Oh were we sad that week– I still agree with the school on this, and we replaced it with PE which he is enjoying. But I would still recommend Drama class at some point for any kids list of helps needed- it has helped sooooo much in DK’s maturity and ability to read facial and body language.  Oh, and if you ever get a teacher willing to bend over backwards and go the extra mile to help pull your kids thru a hard time, make SURE you tell them how much they are appreciated!!!

But the end of the semester came, and we all breathed sighs of relief to see passing grades for everyone YAY!!!!!!! Then I had just 3 days to try to clean my house for the holiday and visit from Grandma and Grandpa.   I didn’t make it, but close enough.


Letting the kids do the decorating leads to some fun finds… looking around the tree I started finding little story vignettes, like this elf riding the reindeer.

...and the sister fairies holding hands :)

…and the sister fairies holding hands :)


Huge Hugs always make everything better!

I can’t tell you how much it means to me to have loved ones so willing to be un-judgemental and just uplifting.  (Santa scored awesome, by the way- not many gifts this year, I was too tired, and so was the wallet after such a huge surgery– but careful thinking paid off)



3 more days for Grandpa to try to help with the boys room remodels (yup- still working at it, we are so slow when mom doesn’t feel well and Dad’s job is in overdrive deadline mode).  I also was packing at a whirlwind pace and stocking the pantry and fridge, in and around kids’ migraine needs and rather constantly climbing stress.

Then almost instantly, it was the day before New Year’s Eve–P1020577 and time to hop a plane- for a trip up to the cold Utah weather for a family Wedding.  Now flying is great fun, but not fun enough for oldest to want to overcome claustrophobia and migraines and other travel stressors. We had already planned for that, and Hubby stayed home with him, and I had the other kids with me… oh, and part of


kids loved hearing about ancestor part in building doors, etc.

December’s budget had gone to revamping our cold weather gear, seems everyone grew at least 3 sizes since the last time we went up for snow.  :)

But it was good- and all my kids can now say that they know how to dress for 0 degree temps.  :)


At the Salt Lake Temple grounds- it was a “warm” 13 degrees that day.

I was also happy to find that my ability to drive in the snow was still in good working order.  My kids thought it was fun to know that mom can drive a truck, tho’ they are all glad that we don’t have to borrow Grandpa’s king cab pickup all the time- a pile of 6 foot tall kids are  just too big for it.


Then without pause to breathe- we flew home on Sunday after New Year’s, and school started on Monday.  I think this was just toooooo much of a whirlwind push for my sweeties.  Even tho it was fun, and family; and even tho’ I made sure to rent a hotel so that I could get all my kids out of the happy chaos in time to keep their sleep schedule on track, by Sunday– I had to almost carry some very wiped out asd teens thru the airport.  I am kind blessed that they trust me enough that most of the meltdowns were kept to just tears and hands in tight fists, but I could see the toll it was taking.  Even in health- the seasonal common cold bug that the kids brought home at the end of last semester was just not letting up for TeaRose, her immune system had just had too much to do this year.  But I told them that the first day of the semester was too important to miss, and then I let her stay home sick then next day.  But still, the collateral damage of long-term trauma is hard to miss- I had to buy a hair catcher for the shower to handle all the silent strands of witnesses.

Well- somehow we got up to speed, mostly, and  get to last weekend–it’s the end of the 3rd week of the semester, and it has been rocky.  But you know, these are the times that warriors are made.  We’re still happy- The Lord is good.

Categories: "only with Autism" Adventures, LDS Mom of Autism | Leave a comment

Christmas Eve

It’s Christmas Eve. I found this in my Poems Journal.  Still true. :)

Twas the day before Christmas, and I’m very unready
My heart’s in a panic tho the spirit says “steady”.
Hard to do with a cold in your head and muscles unwilling
But then I look at my blessings, with gratitude feeling…
So I keep wrapping gifts to bring little ones cheer
… And I watch as they strive to give their own love this year
Not too bad, I exclaim, as they hide out of sight
I guess that I really am doing all right
Shard Halliday-December 24, 2011


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As an Eagle -Beareth Them on Her Wings (Shaken in a Mighty Wind part 2)

Deuteronomy 32:10-13

10 He found him in a desert land, and in the waste howling wilderness; he led him about, he instructed him, he kept him as the apple of his eye.

11 As an eagle stirreth up her nest, fluttereth over her young, spreadeth abroad her wings, taketh them, beareth them on her wings:

12 So the Lord alone did lead him.


So- This is my scripture for today… it describes this year so well, I especially love the phrase “waste howling wilderness”.  Yup.  I started trying to get back to writing ever since summer, but I still am not very up to it.  The big surgery that I mentioned in my “Mighty Wind” post really broadsided me and my sweet TeaRose.  The doctor tells us that it takes a full year to recover from spinal surgery, but that doesn’t help with trying to get thru 12th grade.  And me- well, everywhere I look is something that needs my attention, or that has been put on the back burner because I just am not keeping up.  I really hit that “howling” stage.

But then I found myself feeling prompted to re-read old journal entries.  That helped me find the reserves to re-kindle my desire to watch for the good moments and such… and I think this week has been a bit better.  Little victories, for me and the kids.  One of those moments recently, was after my oldest said- “Mom, the last 2 or 3 years have just not felt like Christmas. This year, I don’t really want anything much as far as presents, but I would like to ask for the house to really be decorated (like I used to do) and make the spirit of the season feel like Christmas.”  You know— putting up the Christmas tree this week has been really hard- I’m not quite done yet- but it’s been really good for me too.  I am very grateful.P1020437

Another surprising lift came last Tuesday.  It was the girls’ “Excellence night” with their young women’s group at church, and TeaRose decided that she agreed with me, that getting thru the surgery was the hardest growing that she has ever done, and let me put the before and after x-ray pics on her poster… I had not expected the sudden turnaround in people’s judging of our situation when the saw how truly major it had been.

Maybe I should have known.  But putting the x-rays there was a hard call for me too– I really don’t like to seem like I am trying to seek attention; but on the other hand, I have really been craving just a little tiny shred of rope to hang on to when mine is all gone and I am drowning.  Finally the time was right, and I’m glad I followed that prompting.  It went really well.

Well, I guess I am out of time tonight.   You know, I still am overwhelmed, but I have felt the closeness of the Lord much better this week- and I know He is still keeping me going.   So- anyway- perhaps I am really writing this for someone out there who also feels this way sometimes.  You are not alone either. He and I both love you very much.

Before SurgeryAfter

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November Gratitudes

(A few years ago, a friend of mine introduced me to the fun of posting one thing I am grateful for, every day of November till Thanksgiving.  I have seen a few variations, all of them are wonderful- they all lift the heart.  This year I’m going to work on my Gratitudes Game here.)

Today I am grateful for a great neighborhood.  It is a very relaxed place for special needs kids, probably because there are several families in a row that have special needs of one sort or another.


Whatever the reason, no one bats an eye at a 6 foot tall Minion, or an Elsa that is almost that tall.  I had a great time with my neighbor as my daughters had fun pushing her daughter’s wheelchair up and down the streets.  We felt led to this house when we moved here, tho I didn’t know why- this is just one of the moments I have found to be grateful. <3

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Ode to Joy, Next Stanza, part 2


It’s really unusual that I have enough energy to write at the tail end of the day- but guess what?  I am eternally grateful for such a wonderful loving Father and his blessings of the day.

Today, I started out the day with the decision to watch for moments of good.  And I have to admit it was not all rosy. It started well tho, my girls and I were in awe at the amazing storm clouds dancing in the first light of dawn on the way to high school.

Then I had doctor appointment stuff to do with one of the boys.  It went ok.  – but I have been struggling with the fatigue part of my chronic fun all week, finally it won, and my short power nap took 2 hours.  :P  I didn’t forget my hunt- there were little things along the way, things like my Hubby being totally sweet to me, and my older boys making me laugh, I even managed laundry.  I was starting to think that I would have to write about being grateful for these little normal things (and I am, don’t get me wrong!)  but then a couple of moments of personal Shazam happened.

First, on the way to pick the girls up again, my mind was caught up on a phrase a friend had said to me online- saying “…wise woman, with a lot of experience”  those 7 little words kept tumbling over in my head until I almost shouted with surprise when the phrase was followed by the thought “wisdom that can only be gained by trudging thru the gunk- in person.”   Suddenly things I had forgotten came back into perspective– namely those moments when I have come to realize that the personal strength to handle trying moments, or difficult kid’s needs – and the tiny flashes of wisdom here and there to help others, have ALL come thru earlier moments of great trials and hardships.  And I wondered for a minute if this was what all the great people I admire have in common.

So I was totally at peace this afternoon- but still tired… then this evening I heard the brand new PianoGuys cover music. I’m not sure how to link to it yet, so go look it up- called “Fight Song/Amazing Grace”.  I read the “abouts” in their you tube link, and then read the lyrics to the songs- and I felt galvanized- this hit me right in the place where the fire in my bones has always burned- and kindled the tired embers.  I know tomorrow will come, and I might have to care for kids in the middle of the night before that- but at the moment tonight, I feel 10 years younger.  Perhaps this sounds a little silly, but we all know the power of music, and the Lord spoke to my tired body and soul today- something I desperately needed.

And I am so very grateful.


Categories: LDS Mom of Autism, Midnight musings | 1 Comment

Ode to Joy, Next Stanza


A couple of days ago, my friendly “on this day…” button on Facebook pulled up a post I wrote 2 years ago; called Ode to Joy. (find it here)  It crystalized some things I have been pondering for a while.   You know how some things change and some things just don’t in the whole caring for special needs kids routine?   Even the time of day that I have free to write is the same (early am before the house wakes)  I think perhaps that I will always struggle with my health, tho I now have a few fancy medical terms to give people when they ask– Stress triggered Fibromyalgia is a good one, and PTSD (battle trauma- shared by many special needs moms) too.  But as I read that other post, one thing occurred to me that is different- and that is I felt closer to the spirit and handled the daily battles better.

I have noticed this for a while- a real run-down feeling, and I have been trying to figure out what I did different, or could do different to get back to that place- I need inspiration so much on a daily basis.  Then as I read, I realized that I had fallen out of the habit of looking for the good– the silver linings of the day.  So today I am going to watch for moments of joy— I’ll get back with you on how I did.  See you tonight!

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a little courage quote for today


It’s been a very hard hill to climb this week; but I woke up early today, and clear headed- which is a gift.  So I looked up a courage quote to share…

“Have courage for the great sorrows of life and patience for the small ones; and when you have laboriously accomplished your daily task, go to sleep in peace.”
Victor Hugo

It goes with my ponderizing scripture for this week…

1 Chr. 28: 20
…, Be strong and of good courage, and do it: fear not, nor be dismayed: for the Lord God, even my God, will be with thee; he will not fail thee, nor forsake thee, until thou hast finished all the work for the service of the house of the Lord.

Hope you all have a good wednesday.

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When “she is shaken of a mighty wind”

Revelation 6:13 And the stars of heaven fell unto the earth, even as a fig tree casteth her untimely figs, when she is shaken of a mighty wind.


Sometimes my kids ask me why things have to be so hard.  I have a couple answers for that one.  Sometimes they are willing to listen to my analogies and parables; sometimes, there is nothing less to say than the Lord isn’t interested in raising wimps as his children, he is raising warriors- and  that is not an easy thing to do.  I am grateful the hard times come in seasons, not all the time.  On the other hand, this has been one of  the hardest summers of record for me.

Last school year was tough.  Especially for my TeaRose and myself.  By Spring we were both shaking in our souls and wondering if it was worth the pain.  Then in April, we found out she had also developed Scoliosis- bad enough for surgery.  In spite of knowing extended family with this condition, I realized I knew very little about it …back to research mode, and all the panic involved with planning for one of the most major surgeries that Orthopedists (bone doctors) do.  And how would Autism affect the whole process?

July finally came.  I had found a wonderful support site with good info, and so my bags were packed.  The freezer was filled for everyone at home, and my Daughter and I were checked in to the Children’s hospital for what I knew would be the rest of the week.

Then suddenly, all the planning stage was done, and off she was gone- into the operating room- and I was alone in the waiting room.  Later that day, while browsing the Scoliosis site- another Mom looking forward to sitting in my shoes soon asked me a question online.  She said “Can I ask how long she was under anesthesia? And what you did to stay sane?”

Well- the answer is something rather remarkable, so I am copying it here…

I had to get her up at 4:30 this morning for the drive to the hospital. We checked in at 5:30 and she officially got started (with me sent to the waiting room) at 7:30am– they told me that first they started the IV anesthesia, then they have a specialist who has little needle probes that he puts in all over the extremities and such, and they can actually monitor the weak electrical signals running thru the nerves from the spine and he watches to tell the Doc if anything changes while he moves the bones– that info right there helped a lot toward the staying sane part. I am very grateful for modern breakthroughs and learning. Then I just had to wait and wait.  And wait.  The surgery itself was about 4-1/2 to 5 hours, depending on whether you count their cleanup time before they came and got me.  Somewhere during this time, I suddenly realized that I had left hubby with a house full of high functioning spectrum teens (and a little sister) to take care of each other for a week. :O   I actually slept for about a half hour or so, since I hadn’t slept at all last night (duh) but just when I thought I couldn’t stand it, something happened.

I met another parent of a child in surgery- this was a dad whose 14 yr old son had been punched for unknown reasons by a stranger 20 yr old during the 4th of July- and it broke the kids jaw which was having to be surgically fixed.  This dad was heart broken.  My heart just was overcome with the need to comfort and pray for him, and in the caring for this stranger/fellow parent waiting during the unknown time of the waiting room, and helping him in his burdens;  I forgot how nervous I was.  In fact, I was utterly calm- even about the rest of my family at home.

It was a moment of gratitude for the blessings I suddenly realized I had.  :) Funny how life works that way.

Summer was still hard- but each evening we found with surprise that we had made it thru just a little bit better.

So sitting here in the hospital room with my daughter the second time, as we wait for the IV antibiotics for a blip in our recovery progress- I finally have finished writing this up. So I’ll leave with some more scriptures I hunted up that helped me get thru the rest of the summer.


Deuteronomy 32:

10 He found him in a desert land, and in the waste howling wilderness; he led him about, he instructed him, he kept him as the apple of his eye.

11 As an eagle stirreth up her nest, fluttereth over her young, spreadeth abroad her wings, taketh them, beareth them on her wings:

12 So the Lord alone did lead him.

Isaiah 40:29 He giveth power to the faint; and to them that have no might he increaseth strength.

30 Even the youths shall faint and be weary, and the young men shall utterly fall:

31 But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.


Psalm 18:In my distress I called upon the Lord, and cried unto my God: he heard my voice out of his temple, and my cry came before him, even into his ears.

Then the earth shook and trembled; the foundations also of the hills moved and were shaken, because he was wroth.

10 And he rode upon a cherub, and did fly: yea, he did fly upon the wings of the wind.

13 The Lord also thundered in the heavens, and the Highest gave his voice; hail stones and coals of fire

15 Then the channels of waters were seen, and the foundations of the world were discovered at thy rebuke, O Lord, at the blast of the breath of thy nostrils.

16 He sent from above, he took me, he drew me out of many waters.

17 He delivered me from my strong enemy, and from them which hated me: for they were too strong for me.


Categories: Courage quotes, LDS Mom of Autism, Midnight musings | Leave a comment

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