Journal Entry January 25th

Is it Friday yet!  (Today has been one of those days that just never ends)

Sunday was normal- ie, very stressful to get my autism spectrum kids and an Asperger hubby thru it all- tho it was not too bad till I had to go to the bishop’s office at Ryan-Isaiah’s appointment time and tell him that he was not wake-able, and couldn’t make it.  Bishop chatted a bit with me, trying to get a handle on Ryan’s  issues– nice, but of course he still has never visited my house to see him personally.  Lots of heart pain. (Hmmm, forget I said that. He’s a good young bishop, I’m just stressing.)  Brand gave a good talk in Sacrament tho.

Monday was field-trip day and I was chaperoning.   All the 5th graders were going up to the State Capital in Phoenix.   It was not really any more stressful than any other field-trip day, in spite of a little girl in my group who has difficult personality issues that sure feel like autism to me; and having to walk everyone thru the picket lines of opposing protesters and the police keeping everything from coming to blows.  (Ahh, our free-speech amendment at work)

Yesterday Ryan stayed up 30 hours to try to get himself to shift to a day-time schedule.  His attitude was pretty good, all things considered; so I was able to deal with my lovely TeaRose, who is really stressing over her school work-load.  She spends most of the time not feeling well now-days.  My husband, Mark, has been totally overloaded with a huge programing bug at work, 70 plus hours a week… and he’s starting to shake a lot.   My Visiting Teachers came over and helped me take down the Christmas tree.  It was very nice of them, but just having them see my messy house nearly made me faint… I liked talking to them as I walked them out to their cars, but then I had the hardest time going back inside.

I’m supposed to find a surgeon from the list that the endocrine specialist gave me– looked up some of them, but the good ones all seem to be up in Scottsdale,  I’m just so tired of the one hour drive just to play dr.-Russian Roulette.  But I can’t breathe right either.   By last night My head was literally swimming with dizziness, and then Mark got home and tried to talk to me– didn’t work too well.  Didn’t sleep much either- hurt everywhere and couldn’t breath- then Ryan begged for breakfast at 5:30 am this morning.  sigh.

Today Ryan felt really positive, and came in to start going thru the GED book– first off is self tests (to see where you’re weak spots are.)  By the time he was done with the first day’s assignments, I could feel his spirit crying from all the way across the room.   And he threw the book down and ran to bed with another migraine (that was probably more depression than anything.)   My heart is just breaking for him but I don’t know what to do!  I felt like going to the temple for him…but by the time I got the girls from early day and got everyone fed, all I could manage was to lay down for a bit of a nap.  Now it’s 3 in the afternoon, and Brand has varsity scouts basketball in 2 hours, and I don’t dare leave all the others in the same house without supervision so I have to stay here till hubby gets home.  (sigh)

The whole thing wouldn’t be so bad, if I just had someone to talk to.

Categories: LDS Mom of Autism | Leave a comment

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