Just need a Shoulder to cry on Sometimes

Don’t have any beautiful insights or words of wisdom today, Mr. Journal– It’s been too much of a Bucket of tears sort of day.
Today was my IEP meeting for DK, for next year (Jr. High, believe it or not.)  It went really well, as such meetings go-  I made a few notes for what I want to work on over the summer-  and they listened really well to my comments- hardest of all, tho, was listening to them describe someone very different from what he is like at home.  At school, it’s like all the little weird parts that drive everyone crazy, concentrated and wrapped in anger cause he doesn’t want to be there.
Then I get home, and Ryan wants me to help him re-arrange his bedroom.  I go thru the steps of coaching him thru vacuuming and making paper floor-plans to work out spacial problems- then he packs it in with a migraine;  so I  get on the facebook, and read about ladies in the ward congratulating their boys (younger than Ryan) for finishing high school, and “growing up into awesome men”  (the same young men who were the most aggressive teasers, that made him quit going to church in the first place those few years back)   Is it just me?  Everyone else says they are so loved in this ward… And I have a huge problem getting the house clean… I just get so tired and depressed in the tiny amounts of time I have between kid needs, that I just sit there.  Today was really bad- it was so hot outside,  (113*)  that my lungs were tired.
Still to go- My Doctor appointments, Kydee’s Migraine Dr.s, my TeaRose’s IEP (somewhere in August),  Getting Brand to do GED (and wishing I could get Ryan to do it too) and not forgetting Kydee wanting to learn violin next year, but that will only happen if I can get her summer lessons and change schools for her too…
So- now it’s 9 pm- and I am so tired I am reeling- and Ryan just got up.  Am I allowed to quit being a mom for an hour or two?   Well- sorry for complaining.  I’ll be o.k., just needed a shoulder to cry on for a minute, and then some sleep.

Categories: LDS Mom of Autism | 4 Comments

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4 thoughts on “Just need a Shoulder to cry on Sometimes

  1. Thanks for your honesty. I can sympathize and empathize with you on many levels. I have set through IEP meetings and wondered if we were all talking about the same kid because he seemed to behave differently at school. My heart as broken when others teased, bullied and made fun of him. My sons have both had many of the same problems with the people at church as your kids. It is so not fun and can even be a testimony trial at times. For the record, my son thinks yours is OK in his books. He likes him. Remember that God is our judge. It doesn’t matter what others think. I hope you got some rest last night and feel better today.

    • Thanks–I think this time round is for him- Mine was when I was a kid, and had to learn up-close and personal that the “Gospel” is what is true- and the “Church” is the Lord’s vehicle to bring this message of hope and forgiveness to a very imperfect world. Church is still hard for me even now, but I go because the Lord asked me to. Tell your boy thanks, and I thinks he’s doing great. Mine lost a lot of ground with this year of constant migraines (I’d love to find a Doc willing to research that one) but he is starting to show recovery signs, and still wants to go on a mission- (p.s. sleep is problematic in it’s own right- apnea starts it, then I start thinking about the kids, and the rest is history-living on no-doze)

  2. I can’t believe how much we have in common! Yesterday, May 28th, was the first time in about 4 months that I was able to get our 11 year old to sacrament mtg. –Even if we were out in the foyer with him on the ipad the whole hour. His anxiety just goes sky high if he is left to just “sit”. It was a tender mercy that I needed. It’s so hard to explain to ward members why he doesn’t attend primary, scouts, etc. It’s so hard not to feel like a loser-parent. But I guess it’s all about enduring it “well”. Love you!!

    • You’re doing great Stephanie… These are the fox-holes of our life- Keep up the good fight, I am right at your side- and a great many others are too.

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