This has been a hard post to write. I started it last week, giving it the title “So glad for Summer”, but I have been so tired that I can hardly think straight (I think it has been a hard hard school year)
So, last week was the first week of summer break- and I actually had two whole mornings to devote to being home, hoping to start the house towards it’s cleaning and recovery phase, trying to put together all the things that just had to get put off to keep the kid’s schooling moving forward— and then I got a migraine– don’t know why (just ‘cause I am running right on the limit of all I can do to get thru each day)
Funny timing- I had just barely got up the courage to face my biggest personal fear- finding a new Doctor to talk to about my headaches and fatigue– and the appointment was wednesday; and I forgot because of the migraine. (Good Huh?) So I reset, and took myself off to the doctors the next day.
On the way, I stopped off, and picked up myself a box of hair color- laughing at myself for the little indulgence.
Then I got thinking…
I started coloring my hair with the onset of a one-two punch; early gray, and the thought of my grade-school kids’ peers asking if I was their Grandma… more than my heart could handle. ;] So I thought it was just my own tiny piece of vanity that I could not give up– until recently. I discovered that my ASD kids NEED me to be strong and vibrant and for now, the same; at least while they are growing up- especially my oldest, which surprised me quite a bit.
So as I drove, thinking about the serendipity of Lord’s clever use of my own personal weakness to help my kids; I realized that they (my kids) also need me to be healthy and capable on the inside too- not just look the part.
So- here I sit writing- trying not to be nervous about my scheduled sleep-study test, and blood tests… and trying to ignore the oldest (who doesn’t sleep) so I can sleep enough to get enough energy to exercise and put the house to rights, and keep the kids doing well…. and trying not to remember that I only have the summer; because next year is also slated to be heavy– TeaRose starts high school, and will need an IEP meeting/ DK starts Jr. High (we’ll see how far his IEP will carry him) / Kydee wants orchestra, so I need to switch her schools, which will be good cause then I can get her some AP classes/ And I’m working on getting Brand into Jr. College and Ryan on his mission— then maybe I’ll breath. But in the mean time, I will keep trying to get my health figured out. (I’m going to be doing a lot of leaning on the Lord!)
Oh- and my Mom wants me to take a break in the middle of this summer to celebrate her 50th anniversary– I think I’m going to need it as much as she will. 🙂