Watching two very intellegent, strong, Autistic people trying to learn to get along with each other- is like watching two sticks of Dynamite, trying to learn how to dance on a hot afternoon on the pavement.
Monthly Archives: August 2012
“I am careful not to confuse excellence with perfection. Excellence, I can reach for; perfection is God’s business.”
– MICHAEL J. FOX
“Each Journey is a work of Art!”
Well, it’s the end of a really long, long week. Kids have made it through all of their back-to-school activities, and hit real homework. And to be honest, they’ve done very well, all things considered. Probably the hardest to handle has been temps this week, nearly 120 at the start of the week– it’s been hard on me, emotionally and physically, and probably part of the headache triggers for my youngest.
But bits and pieces keep me going… gorgeous clouds always help after the empty, hot steel-blue sky of July; some successes along the way, like my shower fix; being able to chat to my friends late at night when I can’t sleep; and then an incredible sunset last night, to top it off. I spent a really grand time with bare feet and the camera. I am very grateful to the Lord today for the things that give me strength to keep going thru the rough spots.
So, even tho there are many things I still don’t have a clue about, and I don’t really expect next week to be different, today is the eye of the storm– and in it’s calm, I have been just relaxing and having fun with some of my favorite simple pleasures… Sleeping in, and now, trying new cookie recipes. Anybody want some? 🙂
* God is in the Heavens.
* He understands and influences all of the matter and forces that make the vastness of the cosmos.
*He still took the time to watch and plan for the success of his purposes for the prophets and people during the Bible time period.
*Being a being of perfect truth, unchanging, he is still the same person now that he was then.
*That means he cares for us now, just as much as then, and is still smart enough to plan through all the events of our time.
*And being perfect, he makes no mistakes.
*That means that our bodies, our strengths, and also our weaknesses– were carefully thought out and crafted together to teach and bring about the strengthening of our hearts and souls; to bring us ever closer to our reuniting with him again.
I am amazed at how cared for I have felt today…
Mark turned around and came home from work early this morning, and fixed my car’s radiator- so I was not wiped out from dealing with the 118 degree weather while running kiddies back and forth– And then, with all the little ones off to school, suddenly I had a morning all to myself! That hasn’t happened in- oh- years!!!! (since I puled my second boy out for home school)
What an invigorating feeling! I actually enjoyed scrubbing the kids bathroom tub, just because I could- and I had the time to figure out plumbing; so I changed their shower-head to something more sensory-friendly. (So proud of myself!) And I even had a moment for a nap, and still had it all together enough to push kids thru their homework.
Truly there are moments to watch for, when you can really feel the love of a watchful Father in the Heavens… Thank You.
Came across this in my journal–
Quote for the day-
“No pain that we suffer, no trial that we experience is wasted. It ministers to our education, to the development of such qualities as patience, faith, fortitude and humility. All that we suffer and all that we endure, especially when we endure it patiently, builds up our characters, purifies our hearts, expands our souls, and makes us more tender and charitable, more worthy to be called the children of God . . . and it is through sorrow and suffering, toil and tribulation, that we gain the education that we come here to acquire and which will make us more like our Father and Mother in heaven.”
― Orson F. Whitney
Spent all morning researching Autism and Migraine Doctors. Now my head hurts, and is so stuffed, I can’t think anymore. Trying to decide whether to sleep or cry.
Well- here it is, 4:30 in the mornint again, and I can’t sleep. My oldest is up prowling the house again– The way to help him is a path thru that dark tunnel that I have not conquered yet. I can’t explain my deep connection to him, it’s always been like I have known him much longer than this Earth life– like I knew him before we were ever born. And his struggles hurt my heart very physically, and color everything. But this week I have had to put all that on the back burner, and scale all the back-to-school mountains for the other kids. And that’s been good for me.
My youngest is SO excited about this new year– it’s been an anodine to all the stress of figuring out the system for the others.
She is psyched about her violin learning, and at meet the teacher night- when the teacher says she will be needing to take a test for ALP (advanced learning program) she jumps up and down and says “Yay!” 🙂 The teacher is the same one her brother had last year, and with that coloring his thoughts — he has no idea of what he is in for- in a good way– she is not just my only Neural Typical, she has so much zest for learning that even tho her IQ isn’t much different from my Autistic kiddies, she takes everything in with a happy voraciousness that just surprises the daylights out of people… It generally takes only two weeks, tho last year it was just two days, for her new teacher to seek me out with a huge “deer in headlights” look, and tell me that they have never seen such an amazing student. This is a bigger school, so there is likely to be a few like her– but I still hold a secret pleasure of anticipation for this teacher.
The others are much more nervous in their anticipation of the new year– much more like standing on the doorway of an unknown world.
My youngest boy starts Jr. High- and he was as scred as a wet cat last night, as we went to his meet-the-teacher night… The place was huge and unknown. But he held my hand and moved forward, letting me talk him thru breathing out the panic and smiling. Not too bad fear management for an Autistic kid- I was so proud of him! 🙂 He is set up for the small transition class geared just for kids like him, so I have cautious good hopes for re-igniting his enjoyment of life and learning.
His big sister is just as Autistic, but so driven to succeed at school, that she plows thru the homework and has been pulling As and some Bs. It is such a hard catch 22 to not qualify for IEP help because she is too smart– but the effort is slowly crumbling her, so, tho I have to wait the one or two weeks after the start of school (so the teachers can meet her, etc. etc.) I am really going to put on my Mother-Bear and require some 504 accomidations. But High School will be good for her- she is so sweet, that all the teachers love her and she has more friends than I did.
Last, but certainly not least, is my 16 yr old. He is a Jr. this year- and tho he shares a struggle with forcing himself to move thru homework with his brothers, he is not Autistic enough for any Dr. in the world to find a diagnosis (it’s the butterfly kisses of my blog title) but he is finally ready to move on beyond what we can do here at home. So I have him signed up for On-Line High School to pick up math and such subjects that we are missing; and have put him into the Tech school here called EVIT- in their 3D animation course. He was so scared last night about jumping feet first into the workload, that he asked for a blessing. It wil be a rough start up, I think, but I also think it will get so exciting that it will pull him thru. I really feel good about it, tho getting him in from the home-school direction had me driving across town all week last week, to move past the catch-22’s of the offices not knowing how to handle the out-of- the-box path I tread. Ah well. The things we do for our kids. 🙂 but it’s coming together now so well, that I know the Lord is with us, moving us toward success– and that powers my faith to keep going. We will make it!!!
“End of Summer Break = Last week of freedom?” very funny.
Trying to pull together all the loose ends for back-to-school this year has given me the shakes… I got one kid starting High School, one starting Jr High, one starting a new elementary (and violin), one working on getting into EVIT (our very nice High school Tech program) for 3D computer animation… and that’s not even counting the up-coming IEP/504 work for the high school and Jr. High students, or my oldest and his migraines and older-teenager-with-Autism issues.
–But I’ve only forgotten one back-to-school event this week, so not too bad.
Maybe I will breathe again next week when school actually begins, but probably it will take 2 more weeks for everything to settle.
BUT–I pause and remember……. (sorry for the poetry- I’m tired)
The wisest of all said that when your feeling down, be grateful.
When your struggles seem to crush you down to the ground, be grateful.
So lets see,
I’m grateful as I sit in the dark of the night
that I learned as a kid how to touch-type.
I’m grateful for advil to help with my head,
So I don’t have to take my “bitters” instead.
I’m grateful for AC, when the weather is Hot (and here in Arizona, that’s more often than not)
All poetry aside,
I’m grateful, that even with all their struggles to understand the world, my kids are good- they love me and each other. And they are finally old enough that I can take a long long shower, or leave them home to do back-to-school errands or shopping; and they can handle themselves and each other for a good couple of hours… and even when they don’t feel well, they are not violent in their melt-downs.
I’m grateful that even with all my health struggles, I can still pick up my kids when they need me, or just want a hug (even the big ones) I can still focus enough to help with homework (although I’m going to have to do serious math brush-ups this year) and I’m still close enough to the spirit to be able have the right words come when they need it most.
I wish I knew how to get thru the rough spots of IEP red tape a bit better, and I wish I was a bit less lonely, a bit more healthy, and a bit better at my overcoming weaknesses- but my family never gives up on me- and for that I am truely grateful.