4 a.m. Gratitudes

Well- I thought about starting off this post by saying that this is the first moment I have had to write in days; but that is not completely true… I have had several bits here and there where I should have been busy doing something, only to find myself a half hour later, still sittling on the floor, staring at nothing, or worse yet at my to-do list.   I guess I have been really tired this week.  Maybe it has something to do with the hours of driving to specialist doctors on top of regular school,  or maybe it’s because the kids have been not so High Functioning  this week (can we blame the weather for that one?) or perhaps it’s just from not being able to sleep (nah)  This morning is another one- pain pills wear off about 3 am, and arthritis drives me out of bed to get more.

But I know many people much worse off than I, many of them very close to my heart, so I try not to complain.  So tonight I decided that while I wait for the meds to start working, I would look for some good things from this week…

1- the weather finally cooled off.  That may not be a blessing in some parts of the world, but here in Arizona- I was mightily tired of the over 90 degrees for this late in the year.

2- safe driving.  I have filled the gas tank more than twice this week, and many many days have been solid headache from exahstion, but  I have been very watched over- and my rather constant prayers to help me drive alertly and well, have been answered continually.

3-My oldest was”present” and really “here” for 3 days in a row this week, including the day I had to take him to his neurologist, so he was able to tell the doctor a lot of details that I would have been unable to do on my “own”.  This was a huge blessing, even tho it’s like a knife thrust when he uses these times to tell me of the leaders and teachers in who have not believed he has anything other than poor behavior issues, or who has flat out told him he is stupid, or isn’t proving he is really interested in a mission because he isn’t putting the effort into the mainstream education blah blah blah… And then it’s really hard on me every time he slips back from these on moments to migraine days.  Still, I am very grateful for the Lord’s very real help in this detail of my life this week.

4- I have actually had some likes and comments on my facebook posts this week.  I know, that sounds silly, but I have been really lonely lately, and feeling – well, I know most moms of Autistic kids struggle with this one, but I don’t feel quite so unable to keep going today,  and I am very grateful for that.

5-I felt good enough to work on the housework several times this week… and I have to mention this, because I really felt the help of Heaven in those moments. I felt strong and normal for an hour or two, here and there… and I am utterly grateful.

6- I have seen butterfies and dragonflies every day this week, and a few migrating blue herons.  These tiny little details are huge on a blue day- and I have had them every day all week.

These things may seem small- but they really say something to me.   I have known for a long time that the Lord is not interested in a life of ease and no stress- because he is interested in raising up men and women of greatness and strength.  He knows what comes out of the fiery furnace is wondrous and beautiful… but he also delights in helping us get thru it- cheering our hearts and strengthening our resolve to make it to the other side and back to him.

For His nearness to our daily moments, I am deeply grateful.



Categories: LDS Mom of Autism, Midnight musings | 2 Comments

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2 thoughts on “4 a.m. Gratitudes

  1. I hope next week will be more restful and less stressful for you. I am behind on blog reading and commenting but you are frequently in my thoughts. Have a good weekend.

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