Well, after gathering up 5 meltdowns at the end of the Ward Christmas party and going home with everyone in their various states of tears or shutdown (including my NT youngest)– I realized that I shoulda’ known better than to keep them all that sensory overloaded for more than an hour. And I shoulda’ known better than to expect anyone to take time out of their chat with friends to talk to me, especially with all my kids (and Aspie hubby) stressing around me. Don’t get me wrong, the party was great; but not for me.
So I ditched church yesterday. The worst part is that it felt soooo good and peaceful. Going to have to keep a prayer in my heart all week, to be strong enough to push everyone back to church next week.
I know what’s right, but church is a tiny bit eternal teaching mixed in with a Whale of a lot of social interactions and expectations. Most of the time I am a strong enough mother bear to fight my entire family into doing what I feel is the right thing- but DK hates church, and feels picked on in the Deacons bench, and has a stomach ache every sunday morning, and in tears by the time we get there. My oldest wont go at all, and the others are usually ok once we get there, but very hard to get moving in the mornings. I’ve just been very tired lately, and that makes battling the ever-present loneliness and depression much, much harder.
Meanwhile- it’s a school week- in all it’s painfulness… I think I’ll try to find some courage quotes to post for myself.