Heart in Hands

Oh my Stars!, Zowie and Zoinkers!   There are a few moments in time that make you really stand and define your feelings as a Mother Bear.  One of them happens to be 2 days before sending your oldest off on his first airplane trip alone.

I was o.k. all week, getting laundry washed and dealing with the other kids’ school and normal Christmas prep; but I had a serious panic attack on Monday- of the kind I recognize as from the Holy Ghost- when I considered sending him off without a phone.  Hubby and I had always felt that the child should get a phone when they earn it themselves, but then he started getting such bad migraines that jobs were impossible, but our money has been horridly tight this year so we left it there for a while.  But then I felt so good when I thought of a no-contract thing from Walmart, that I decided that it was something the Lord wanted.

So, Dad is in Ryan’s room helping him go thru all the start-ups, and he has the first smile I’ve seen all day- I think he was panicking too.   And all my worry is gone, right?   Well- sort of.  I’m excited for him– really!  And I am ok with where he is going, he’s off to help his Grandpa (my Dad) in construction.  It will be awesome for him.  I guess it’s just the huge airports alone that’s getting to me.  I know he’s almost 20, but I also know how secretly Autistic he is (he’s smart enough to mask pretty well when he’s not down with a migraine.)  The phone I think will pull him thru–He knows phone numbers, and he knows he can ask for help.

So- here I sit shaking my hands, listening to the kids old and young,  trying to convince myself that I can do this.  I sure don’t feel grown-up enough for it all, even if the Lord says otherwise.  But He says go for it; so heart-in-hands, deep breath, I’m moving forward!

Categories: LDS Mom of Autism | Leave a comment

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