Faintly Frantic but Feeling Loved


I’m hiding out in my bedroom; the shower water running, eating a peanut butter and honey sandwich.  I have several wonderful drafts started, but my head is just too foggy to work on those.  It’s been a bit of  a Morton Salt week- you know, “It doesn’t rain, it pours”  🙂  And I feel like I need to find the silver lining to it all– the Lord is the master of Serendipity,  turning things that look bad to His purpose, but I know that unless we search, sometimes it’s hard to see his hand in those rough times.

So I’m looking…

Well- The Air Conditioner finally got so old that the motor gave out… but it is early in the year, and unseasonably cool for here in Arizona, so we can take the time to find the best way to fix it within our pocketbook.  ( a blessing)

Let’s see– taxes were really hard on my Aspie hubby this year, he really stresses over finding more and more proof of governmental, um, well it wasn’t very fun…. but he pushed himself through with great strength, and never ever snapped at anyone.  And we broke even too. (very watched over)

Umm- The spring pollen this year was monumental-ly hard on Brand and even Kydee struggled for the first time… but  in the process of needing to get him a doctor visit, I was hugely blessed with our family doctor feeling really connected with me and my family; and he talked at great length, even figuring out how to order up some heavy metal  blood tests not only for Brand, but also for my oldest, without him even being there!  I’m very grateful.

Oh, and speaking of which, migraines have not abated for my oldest, in fact he says that he doesn’t feel the pain anymore, only numb, and looses a couple of days, (also makes his ASD worse than normal)  I am so lost and struggling to know how to help him- it is a battle of research versus exhaustion for me… but he came to me and apologized yesterday for exploding the day before.  Says thanks Mom for the food, and said Love Ya and even almost hugged!  And I have looked up journal entries that said I felt very strong that he will pull thru this.  Very glad I wrote it down back then. I cling to that.

And I really must mention  last week, I couldn’t find sleep.  I was running about 1 to 2 hours at a time and then waking up again- for days.  Finally one morning at 3 am, I wrote on my facebook just a simple cry- “someone tell me I’m going to make it.”   And I have to say, All day long I had family and friends sending words of encouragement.  That has never happened before.  In fact, the last time I tried reaching out like that- years ago- I got no response at all.  None.  And I told myself firmly to never try it again.  But I’m glad I forgot.  That day full of reassurance was —just amazing!  I felt sooooo loved!

Well–  The house is full of happy giggles at the moment– so I better go get that shower before my quiet time ends. Tomorrow is the last day of AIMS (state mandated yearly competency test) and then I think things might feel a little easier to breathe.  If I don’t get back on before then, don’t forget to get out on the pre-dawn morning of Earth day and watch the meteor shower!  I’m going to go for pictures!

See Ya

Categories: LDS Mom of Autism | 2 Comments

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2 thoughts on “Faintly Frantic but Feeling Loved

  1. Debbie

    Our tests are the MCA tests, they are over with for another year. It has been a blessing that when she was in 9th grade her case manager took her off of them and put her on the alternative test. When she was doing the MCA her test scores were as low in the basement as they could get—I think a lot of it was the stress they put on the kids that if they didn’t do well the teachers could lose their jobs. On the alternative test she soared waaaaaaay above the state average! Luckily those days are over and a new chapter in life will be starting.

  2. Yes- test stress ca be a real problem. I spent a lot of early years reminding them to treat it like a normal test, and they’ll do better. So that part at least is managed mostly. Our IEP concessions here are the same test, but extra time, or other helps as needed. My 13 year old can score fairly well with a little extra time and a adult sitting right there with him to keep him focused and not afraid. The others are fairly mainstream, tho I’m waiting to see the written part results for my 9th grader. 🙂
    And I’m pulling for you in your new chapter!

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