Had the most amazing moment of enlightenment this morning- and I just had to share!
The last couple of weeks have been those kind where you’re either really busy, or really quiet, with very little in-between. The kids and I got thru to the end of the school year, and just collapsed for a couple of days like a balloon deflating.
We so needed that rest. Then it was back to getting everything ready for camps- 3 at once. The girls are both at church girls camp this year, and Brand is with the Varsity Scouts. It seemed to be all I could do to force my brain to function in little 20 minute spurts and get everything ready– Then it was time to take myself to the doctor, and start gathering ingredients and recipes for our gluten free summer experiments.
But- as I sit here, wondering how they all handled their camps (I’ll find out later today) I suddenly realized that I am not afraid at the moment- I have found a scoop of courage to put in my bucket from some places I did not expect. Places called: Reaching Out, Overlooking, Reading Blogs, and Letting Go.
I have always like secret service projects, but while those cheer up my blues and help me not to think about myself for a while- they weren’t doing the trick lately. Fears were getting root. So I called on an old friendship. And bless her heart, she came and visited for over a fortnight. The kids say we talked the entire 2 weeks, and they are almost right… but what a cleansing I have not had in years. I have been in this house for 8 years now, and I am finally starting to not feel like a transplant. I can cope with the heat, I almost know when to plant things, and I am working hard to learn the names of everyone at church. But I have no family here, and at times, like holidays, we really notice that we are on our own. It’s amazing how profound a friend can be. There have been the rare gems who poured their love into me from the moment we moved here, and that has kept me going; but I am also grateful for the rare treasures of old friendships renewed. My body doesn’t want to cooperate yet- but my spirit is energized, I feel like I can soar.
This is not really a new concept. At least once a year we hear a lesson, either in church or in motivations places, that try to drum into our brains this vital need. Phrases such as “Play to your strengths”, or “don’t compare your weaknesses to other’s strengths” and on- we really should pay attention before they start sounding trite. But all this week I have been feeling it differently, and it finally came to a head– The need to look past, or in my case over, the weaknesses to see what is good. Loved ones tell me to look at all I am doing to help my sweet kids and those around me- (like how non-profound they can be at times as they feel loved enough to learn to cope) and tell me to not look at what I have no strength left for. It’s hard for me to do- I hate mess and chaos- but I just don’t have it in me to push harder, and I suddenly felt the truth this morning- that that is o.k.
Let’s see– Reading
Specifically today- Reading Blogs. This morning in the wee hours that I couldn’t get back to sleep- I came across a blog that truly inspired me. I was wandering the gluten free recipes, and came across a blog that opened up her comment line to the question “what have you learned that you can share” …and I started reading all the thoughts that I have had. I found out today that I am not alone. It was so comforting! and I also read that knowing how to cook well (the traditional way) could even be a hinderance. EUREKA! Maybe it’s possible that my weakness that I was so worried about (I think the kitchen actively dislikes me) I need a Hollywood drum-roll or something—is actually a a possible hidden strength waiting for me to find it! (blog I read is here- http://glutenfreegirl.com/2010/02/gluten-free-baking/)
and Letting Go
Well- all of this boils down today to the process of letting go of pre-concieved notions that are filling me with fears I don’t even need; giving me “Agida” so to speak. I am doing o.k. already. And isn’t it encouraging to know that?