Monthly Archives: November 2013

Thanks

Early Thanksgiving Morning.  Not even the sun is up;  but I can hear cars outside, bringing families together.  I should be getting the turkey in the oven, but I had to pause a minute, and search my heart for the words of gratitude I need to say.

Pilgrims

Sometimes it’s hard to feel grateful on a hard year; but that’s usually when it is most important.  The pilgrims, our early examples of thanksgiving, were also our early examples of finding things to be grateful for on a hard year.  They had lost more than half of their starting company- and  camping in the new world was hard and harsh– but they had made new friends and a new beginning, and had truly felt the hand of the Lord supporting them. And they were profoundly grateful.

The storms of life have been my lot too, this year.  But just like the pilgrims,  I too have made new friends; even a few moms just like me from far away, thru the gift of technology shrinking our world to bring people closer together.  I have a wonderful extended family, and there again I am grateful for tech that helps us stay close even when we live far apart.

And I too have felt the Lord’s hand supporting me and my family.  He has not taken away any trial, and someday we will all have the perspective to understand and be grateful for that.  But at the moment, I am satisfied that he has lifted me thru.  I can see the growth of strength of my awesome Hubby as he learns to climb over his own Aspie walls and be incredibly valiant and caring- hugging me in my needs.  I have been blessed with awesome kids, and I can see them reach, trying for the daily wins.

I can see in me, a huge reserve of  “been there-done that” that I can share with others in their needs – people like young family members just starting out and hitting their heads full-face-on to the mountain trail called special needs.  Something deep in me finds true fulfillment in being able to help- maybe that’s a part of us all, I don’t know- but it is me for sure.

And along the way, no matter the health I am in, or the state of my struggles,  I still have been blessed with the strength to carry my kids when they are in pain. (o.k.- my big boys I just hug-tho I could catch a fall if needed)   I still can think well enough to help them with their homework.  It got foggy for a bit with depression, but things are clearing- and I can research Autism journals again;  and keep learning math for which, as the kids move into high school and college stages, I am very grateful 🙂  I can still stay calm during most meltdowns.  There are many things I feel horribly overwhelmed about, but I have somehow managed to keep everyone taxied to all the directions they need to go, and have only forgotten a couple of doctor appointments.  And my faith has grown that Heaven will help me get thru the other parts.

Well, the sun is up now, and so are my kids.  And yes- even tho I may not manage more than a turkey today and maybe some treats;  still– It’s a good morning, and I am profoundly grateful.

IMG_3665

Categories: LDS Mom of Autism, Midnight musings | Leave a comment

The adventure Continues

Well, in the daily roller-coaster ride that life gives us Moms… it’s been a weekend full of super ups and soul-dredging downs.  Nothing really unusual- but I thought I’d set a few of them down here, so I can come back and find the moments to be grateful for later on.

Saturday morning was awesome!  It was still kinda cold and rainy outside- but inside, I woke up with a renewed idea for Saturday Chore morning, and enough energy to make it happen.  See, for my sweet spectrum kiddies, jr. High and High School takes ALL day- school, half-hour or so to decompress, and home work the rest of the day- so I have made it a long standing tradition that Saturday mornings is Mom’s for chores.  but it has been many more weeks than I care to admit since I have had the health- emotional or physical- to get up and run such a 3-ring circus; and as high functioning as they are- it still takes a lot of mom’s coaching.   But I had a great idea to make a “chore buffet”.  I wrote all sorts of chores on pop-cycle sticks, things I knew they could do on their own on little sticks, and things that would take lots of mental effort on big sticks– and I let them choose, each size stick being worth different amounts of small change. ($!)  It was like lighting a match.  I don’t have the money or memory to do this often, so this was a great morning.  They were so excited to help- and earn spending money for Christmas.  🙂

And of course- the down side was very soon– all the excitement and chaos of the kids really pushed my Aspie Hubby (and older boys) to near breaking point.  sigh.  But I have to say- He is my superhero… He did not blow or meltdown in front of the kids.  He just retreated to a quiet spot till I could contain the energy in the house and everyone settled down.

It was a good day- but took a lot out of me.  It was all I could do to make it thru Sunday- and another down moment.  The Priesthood leaders came up and told me confidentially, that they think my youngest son is just “playing” him, and really can handle things, just doesn’t want to.  Sigh- one of the hardest hardest parts of the high functioning end of the Spectrum. 😦

Well- lots of blessings got me thru’.  And here we are on Tuesday morning.  Today I walked in from morning school shuttling, to a very excited and happy 20 yr old.  His friend called and wants to learn to make movies;  just the jump start we needed to get started re-learning all the things he lost due to his struggle with constant migraines and move forward into tech school!  Can you say wow?  😀  Now all I need is to find the extra time and energy and know-how.  More prayers today, for sure!  But it’s good. 🙂

Categories: LDS Mom of Autism | 1 Comment

A good end

 

 

It’s been one of those epic sized weeks.   I won’t even try to guess how much gas I used with all of the different doctor visits downtown, and letters home from school only add to the fun (not).    But the clouds finally came, and blessed our little piece of the desert all day today.  And of course- there’s nothing better than playing in it.  🙂   It’s a good way to cheer everyone up at the end of the week.

IMG_3886

Yay! Mom got us new umbrella’s – can we try them out right now?

IMG_3894

how to pose with umbrellas without clobbering each other

IMG_3904

“I’m singing in the rain”….

 

Categories: LDS Mom of Autism | 2 Comments

This is Courage

Courage Is–

Courage is packing four bags.  All the kids except the oldest have youth conference this weekend.  It’s just ward level- so they are still local- but still…  the Leaders had no idea what they were asking of me – or what they were getting themselves into  when they asked for me to include my circus.  They don’t really believe me about the difficult parts of high functioning Autism that are usually hidden,   You know what, maybe it’s best not to tell them.

But, even tho’ they had not had enough time to decompress after school (DK in particular had to just drop his backpack and get in the van as soon as his bus got here).  I decided to leave it all in the Lord’s hands.   It was the most beautiful afternoon yesterday; the temperature was mild, and the skies were amazing with awesome clouds.    As I drove in to the park where they were gathering,  the sun was playing with huge “Heaven’s windows”  and it felt like it was just for us.   In spite of the stress of one of the hardest weeks I can remember,  I felt calm and prepared… I had even managed to find the time to print them up little ID cards that had Autism calming info on one side (courage poems for my NT sweety)  and their LDS login info on the inside, and clipped the cards to their belt-loop  (in the wallet for Brand.)  I think it’s a great idea to have the kids do a family search project and get their own names to do baptisms for the dead- but the leaders just expect the kids to remember all those passwords like a normal kid, so I just have to get creative to compensate.

Then I had to walk away.   The leaders would have said nothing if I felt a need to stay for a while, but my asd hubby and oldest needed me too.  And I wanted my kids to feel just like the other kids- sort of.  So I took myself back towards the van.  Behind me, I could hear my beautiful TeaRose already getting that sound in her voice no one else can hear…that says she is still having fun, but getting very tired from the noise, and chaos and social drain.  I kept walking up the grassy hill to the parking lot.  Courage.  Looking back, the leaders were playing ultimate frisbe with all the kids-  except my Brand, who was sitting alone on the grass and watching.   Sigh.  Courage to keep moving and get in the van, leaving him looking so forlorn.  Courage to let it go and wait to see how it all turns out. Today, I know I will need to build up my stamina. to handle all their stresses that they will wait till they are safe in my arms to show.  Courage to have the faith that the Lord will make it a good thing for their growth and experience.

Sigh.

Then as I drove away, the sun dipped lower, and exploded into the most beautiful sunset we have had for a very long time.  I suppose Courage is different things on different days, but this is what courage was today. Today, I made it.  And I think Heaven is happy.

IMG_0520

Categories: Courage quotes, LDS Mom of Autism, Midnight musings | 3 Comments

pre-dawn

The first yellowish light is washing the East, and the first early bird just sang in my back yard.  It’s a no school day, and I am able to let the kids all sleep in.  Deep happy sigh.

Image

For this one moment of the day, All is well and I can sit and ponder a little piece of inspiration that has been hovering at the back of my head all weekend, just waiting for me to be able to breathe and think.  It’s not totally congealed, but I am going to try to write it down anyway, and see if I can get it to gel as I write.

I look back at posts from past months, and find a great deal of the Lord’s inspiration moving thru my life.  Then this year has hit like a ton of bricks.  My post from May (The Power of One) does a good job of painting the feelings;  and I think I have felt my spirits slipping.

But this weekend as I have been preparing a lesson for Relief Society, It came to my mind that, tho the struggles are real- much can be done to buoy up my heart.   As I read chat rooms of special needs moms, I have found that it is a rather endemic problem in the species; I’m glad I am not the only one to be so busy fighting fire after fire, always on the constant watch for the next safety or meltdown issue, adding new doctors almost every month, and not knowing when the next explosion will hit that will take all my energy and willpower — that it feels like there is no time left to look up and see another’s need and struggles.  But that is exactly what I need to be doing.  The promise is sure, and often repeated; that in loosing myself- totally dropping all thoughts of “I” for even just a second or two– and using all that energy to help another in some small way,  I will find myself- the Lord will clear my head and heart and bring me back to me.  It was even in the lesson yesterday (President Snow, chapter 19)  “Never mind your difficulties and apparent losses; sink your own interests, and your success will be grand and glorious, and the whole Church will feel the effects of your labors.”  I really feel like this applies to now, and not just to missionaries.

Well- my quiet time lasted only half-way thru this post, 🙂 now 3 of them are up and they are being really good, and letting me finish writing while they get themselves breakfast and then get on Minecraft.   😉 I have a great family.  You know- I knew this all along, I just forgot a little bit while I was busy feeling blue.  So- today, I think I will have the kids help me on a treasure hunt… we will hunt for a treasure that we can give away to someone. 🙂

Categories: LDS Mom of Autism, Midnight musings | 2 Comments

Blog at WordPress.com.