pre-dawn

The first yellowish light is washing the East, and the first early bird just sang in my back yard.  It’s a no school day, and I am able to let the kids all sleep in.  Deep happy sigh.

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For this one moment of the day, All is well and I can sit and ponder a little piece of inspiration that has been hovering at the back of my head all weekend, just waiting for me to be able to breathe and think.  It’s not totally congealed, but I am going to try to write it down anyway, and see if I can get it to gel as I write.

I look back at posts from past months, and find a great deal of the Lord’s inspiration moving thru my life.  Then this year has hit like a ton of bricks.  My post from May (The Power of One) does a good job of painting the feelings;  and I think I have felt my spirits slipping.

But this weekend as I have been preparing a lesson for Relief Society, It came to my mind that, tho the struggles are real- much can be done to buoy up my heart.   As I read chat rooms of special needs moms, I have found that it is a rather endemic problem in the species; I’m glad I am not the only one to be so busy fighting fire after fire, always on the constant watch for the next safety or meltdown issue, adding new doctors almost every month, and not knowing when the next explosion will hit that will take all my energy and willpower — that it feels like there is no time left to look up and see another’s need and struggles.  But that is exactly what I need to be doing.  The promise is sure, and often repeated; that in loosing myself- totally dropping all thoughts of “I” for even just a second or two– and using all that energy to help another in some small way,  I will find myself- the Lord will clear my head and heart and bring me back to me.  It was even in the lesson yesterday (President Snow, chapter 19)  “Never mind your difficulties and apparent losses; sink your own interests, and your success will be grand and glorious, and the whole Church will feel the effects of your labors.”  I really feel like this applies to now, and not just to missionaries.

Well- my quiet time lasted only half-way thru this post, 🙂 now 3 of them are up and they are being really good, and letting me finish writing while they get themselves breakfast and then get on Minecraft.   😉 I have a great family.  You know- I knew this all along, I just forgot a little bit while I was busy feeling blue.  So- today, I think I will have the kids help me on a treasure hunt… we will hunt for a treasure that we can give away to someone. 🙂

Categories: LDS Mom of Autism, Midnight musings | 2 Comments

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2 thoughts on “pre-dawn

  1. I have so much respect for you. Your lesson yesterday was awesome and you are a great example of strength and fortitude. Your hubby and kids are pretty great too. Thanks for this post!

  2. Thanks Debbie! Thanks for being a friend.

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