You know what? Sometimes, life gets very overwhelming. (duh)
Not really because of any one bad thing- just normal life for a spectrum family. Lately I have had a much harder time than normal coping , tho,’ because of fatigue, etc, of the Mega-Mondo potion size. But every once in a while, I am able to think clearly. That’s when I am able to put it all on the shelf, in the Lord’s hands. I’m grateful for those times, because being able to let it go lets me get back to being able to feel the Lord whispering peace. This afternoon is one of those quiet moments; a wonderful calm after a long day.
This morning started as just normal Tuesday- up at 6, get girls awake and help to make sure they were in clean clothes and ate breakfast, off to High school, then Jr. High then back home before 8. Totally ordinary. And totally moving thru it all by rote…grateful for rote, because the meds were not enough today. By the time I got home I was in deep vertigo and heavy fatigue. I needed to get back to sleep.
As I was laying on the couch, relaxing the sundry aches into a quiet state, Ryan walks in, and cheerfully says- “Oh- hi, Mom! I totally understand your need for a nap, but when you’re up to it, Today would be a really good time to talk about what we need to do to get me moving forward in life.”
After he left, and I caught my breath, I got up and took a caffeine pill and laid down again, praying for the wisdom and energy I would need very, very shortly… and fell asleep still praying.
It wasn’t really a very long sleep; and then I spent some time on the laptop- pulling up bookmarks and finding sites to have on hand… and told him I was ready. Then- an hour long (maybe more) counseling session–
And it was totally good. I heard him out on his likes, struggles, and dreams ( I already knew, but he needed to talk it out) And he heard me out on things I had found so far. We wandered thru everything– talked about Autism’s explosion curve starting the year he was born, leaving a huge number of early adults just starting the things he is starting… and finding out that if we had known about, and gone the speced route- we would still be finding out that all funding for “therapies” quits at age 21, leaving many to flounder thru how to move forward from there; and how we felt kind of grateful that we are already working out the kinks of finding our way. (He has decided that he wants to learn sound design, and making his own animations, and wants to learn to produce his own music.)
He also was able to hear and follow, when I told him of my own health, and the steps I am working on to care for that. And tons of more things— And it was calm- Honest, Passionate, and Deep to be sure; but no anger or meltdowns from being overwhelmed, or anything. Just, well- fully young adult. Then he listed back to me all the things we had come to the conclusions were the next step… and left with the parting shot of – “I’ll let you work on it, I trust you Mom.”
Later I realized that not only was he as clear headed and calm as he has ever been for the last many years of migraine struggles… but I, too, was totally on my game– clear, focused, and strong thinking…. the kind that feels closest to my fully healthy self– (you know- the way we wish we felt all the time) fully in the zone of capable mom and mentor. Wow, I am so grateful!! — Of course it didn’t last- not even till dinner. But it lasted as long as I needed, plus enough extra to carry over into taking a bit of time with each of the other 2 boys, and then wash the dishes too!
Finally, it was off to dance practice… Our ward gets to participate in the Gilbert Temple Cultural Celebration- Didn’t have too many meltdowns this week- in fact, my TeaRose went from the first week’s complete melt over the ear-pain she was going thru ( from the volume of the music;) to having all the steps completely memorized faster than anyone there besides her friend who takes professional ballet. Just like Mark is able to do. When I mentioned it, he told me choreographed dancing was were he shined, because there is no choices going on- it’s all laid out in advance, so he could focus on doing it really well… Makes sense. Oh, and I bought lots of ear plugs. 😉 Even my little bubbly Kydee was able to dance for a great while before her sore leg made her quit.
So- You know– I guess I must be doing at least some things right, cause I sure had a lot of Heaven’s help today. And I am so very grateful for it. Hope you have a great night!