30 seconds of deep thinking

This morning is beautiful again, tho it will get hot later- but today I don’t feel very inspirational or strong.  I just feel blue.  I wrestle with this on occasion, and I thought I had the upper hand, then I read another fb post of a ward member’s son getting a mission call, or family members coming home from one.  To all those special needs moms who must also wait to get into the “moms of missionaries” groups– you know about that feeling, the one where sometimes not even a hug reaches deep enough to touch the ache.

It has been such a long, long week- but on the other hand, this was the first week that I have had some mornings where I have actually been clear headed and thinking. I think it has taken that long to recover from the last school year. I guess it’s time to use this moment of peace to follow the promptings of the Lord, and find some of the good moments of the week- that’s what keeps me going.

So—Ryan has been doing better at his uphill battle to conquer his sleep struggles,  and has been more able to be patient with siblings and to think his way thru math with his Dad. fewer migraines per week too- but I haven’t told him yet, I don’t want to break the magic.  And I finally managed to talk him into getting his blood tests (that the Neurologist ordered a long time ago)  and one result has already come in- the doc’s office called and said take him off gluten, the allergy test was positive.  It’s weird, I have kinda felt this was part of the problem for a long time, and I have even been practicing the recipes,  but a part of me was in denial because it has been such a hard transition for me to make… so even tho I was expecting it, it still took me out at the knees for a while.  I think I’m getting thru that one.  

 Brand  is struggling too a bit-I think his meds make him tired.  And we have both struggled a bit pretty much ever since we started his mission papers and got to the part that says tell us more about the answer you gave of “high Functioning Autism”.   And I suspect he’s bored, but is hoping I stay too tired to get everyone started on summer courses.  It’s kinda hard to tell with him,  cause he’s very quiet.  But he usually lets me cheer him up- this time, he jumped to pro-active, and decided to start writing up lists of all the local places to apply for jobs, so I drove him around to avoid the heat-  that helped both of us feel better.

Mark’s work has been so heavy with deadline stress, lately, but I’m so proud of him- ’cause he comes home and jumps right in to tutoring math and helping the boys, only then does he take time to recover,  playing some computer games for a while– 

Kydee is doing great most of the time, tho it really is getting to the point where I need to start up summer homework.  I’m so trying to pull myself together to get that going.  I have also decided she has some shadow struggles… she had a panic attack yesterday that was overwhelming.  Ah well, it’s just part of the day.

TeaRose is back to saying her nightly prayers without help- this is a big thing, she has been so stressed since spring, that she regressed a fair bit.   She has something going on health wise, too- and I don’t know what doctor to take her to.   It’s one of those moments where the communication barrier is hardest for me…she can’t describe it- she just says she doesn’t feel well.  But I do know that she has had no balance stability at all, and tires fast.  So I spent a major part of yesterday researching doctors.

On the positive side-I took the 3 younger ones to see How to train a Dragon-2 (matinee)this week– twice.  🙂  We REALLY needed out of the house. It was totally worth it. 

And I have to tell you about our fun moment during scripture reading last  Tuesday night–  We started reading 1st Nephi again- chapter 5/6-  stopped in  the middle to have a teaching moment about Sariah (only complained once and then held on to what she knew and never let it go again) and then we talked about Lehi- as one of our earliest examples of personal courage… the courage to have so much faith that he was one of the few that the Lord gave a whole continent to for his posterity… Ryan brought up the comment “it’s one of those examples of a mission that looked like it was unsuccessful (no believers in Jerusalem) but it was really, actually successful-( gave him the courage and faith to get the blessing of the promised land) I love those tiny moments of clear, deep thinking!

Oh, Wednesday,  DK  said “Mom- I want to be your special helper.  What can I do that’s medium hard” 🙂   (I knew he wanted something- but he didn’t mention it all morning) — He washed hallway walls and bathroom cupboards and doors all morning.  Masterful control of self,  cheerful and trying hard– the next day I surprised him with the DS game he’s been hoping for.  It was good.

It’s also nice to be able to say I have half of the kitchen cupboards cleaned down to washing out the insides, (to clean out all the wheat products, etc.)   Deep cleaning is hard for me;  I tend to find projects that had to get put on the shelf when kid care became overwhelming.  I didn’t find any this time- just a small stash of stuff I had bought for H.S. graduation celebrations (looking forward for when my oldest was old enough.) But I sighed, and chucked it, and moved on–  and thru all that,  I still have the front room clean enough that I didn’t mind a brand-new set of visiting teachers coming over last night. They let me rattle on about my kids and all those basics that you have to get thru- so it was good for me.

All in all- this morning was a good clearing of the heart style core-dump.  Now the house is starting to wake up, so I need to get going.  But it’s a good Saturday (as long as I can stay inside)

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Categories: LDS Mom of Autism, Midnight musings | Leave a comment

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