Monthly Archives: May 2015

Early Morning

Sitting here

Though it’s not really quiet,

My heart listens carefully, the house is at peace.

Morning air

is still cool, the birds noisy,

singing their love to the world, before day’s heat makes them cease.

Already-

Two of my boys are up

one, bright with the morning; one, I suspect couldn’t sleep.

They stay calm

And let the others stay sleeping

Saturday mornings are treasures we don’t lightly ignore.

It’s all good

even tho sometimes I’m weeping

and stress from the day can leave me flat on the floor.

You see

I love them all fiercely

with a burn in my bones that I can never deny.

And in return

I am loved with all they can muster,

And a whispered promise, from a Father on High.

“Someday”, He says,

“They will grow and be strengthened.

“You are doing ok, feel my Love never-ending,

“Never give up, stand in courage, watch for small things-

“The little moments that remind you

“I’m always nearby.”

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Categories: Poetry | 2 Comments

Stress is Like a Soda Bottle

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FINALLY!  Yesterday was the last day of this school year– I can almost believe we made it!  Sitting, watching “Bill and Ted’s Most Excellent Adventure” was still not quite calming the jitters left over from getting everyone thru to the end of the day.  It took a lot of hug time.

And what a day- talk about going out with a bang- I had to enlist hubby’s help to get everywhere, tho’ it wasn’t all bad… First, TeaRose to school for the last day of 11th grade finals, (she is still emotional about her less than good English grade, but happier with the other classes and their willingness to help her pull things together thru her overload times),   then to Jr high, and photo’s for Kydee’s awards, 1st half- but I couldn’t stay, ’cause I had to run over to a second high school to sign papers and have a mini IEP with their spec-ed team- going to try school again for DK, he needs out of the house and I am overbooked for my ability to keep him going in schooling (10th grade) especially with this coming summer(more of that in a bit).  It’s a second High School because the one we have as our district school is a smaller school (which I love, and where the girls are) and it does not have all the services he needs- only the bigger one has classes that are for normal, grade level (or above) course work yet still small classes et.al. … then back to the Jr. high for the rest of the awards- and then home to get everyone lunch.

Phew! Of course, after lunch- I took the 3 younger ones to celebrate with Ice Cream- they sure deserved it!

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Yay for sticking it out to the end! Next year will be her Senior year! Coolsville and Unbelievable all in one.

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Next year will be 10th grade! So much will be new- hoping it adds up to an awesome year!

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And my new Freshman! Totally out of Jr High- nothing but High School left. WOW!!!

Beautiful TeaRose went into aftershock shakes and crying before the end of lunch.  By evening, it was 3 times.  She said thru her panic tears- “I don’t know what’s wrong!  I don’t know why am crying.”

So then came the “Soda Pop” lesson.bottles-of-soda-pop-cola-jpg

“Do you know how when we shake soda pop bottles, it’s like they store up all that fizziness, ready to explode when we open it?– We are like that too.  When we have heavy stress, it’s like shaking a Soda Bottle.

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This last bit of the semester and finals has been like shaking the bottle A LOT.  And suddenly stopping and relaxing can be like opening the soda bottle.  Not just you- it’s a know fact that a lot of people get cold and flu at the start of their vacation…

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The way to fix the soda and us is the same- it just needs quiet time for a while to calm down.”

“Oh”  (and lots of hugs)

It made a lot of sense, and still does.  Sometimes it feels like there are seasons in our life when the Lord is really pushing us to the edge for maximum personal growth.  I heard a saying the other day- “why do things come in clusters?” but I got thinking, and I think that the Lord knows our time here in this Earthlife is not long, and I think it is more like “Shaking the Soda Bottle” of our learning curve, as often as he can- and then letting it rest when needed to keep from the explosions that might not be good for us.

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It doesn’t have to be much- Some of MY rest periods are courage quotes, scriptures, and mini funny moments, or moments of awesome clarity (sometimes they are both)- they get me thru- so before I end this post, I thought I would share a couple from my journal this last month—

May 7th- Brand- “Thanks mom for putting up with me when my intellect turns on and off”
(Me- “I wouldn’t say on and off- it’s more like you have a door that opens and shuts your access to it.”)

And again on May 7th- Ryan was telling me that they have found documentary proof that medieval knights also got Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.  I said – “you know who else they have found gets ptsd?”  He said “who” I said “moms of of Autistic kids.” To which he replied- “I don’t think there is anyone in this house that has Autism.”  🙂  I did manage to keep a straight face, but also told him to look up the high functioning end of Autism, not the low functioning end- but I am really going to have to make a poster or two.

This week, Brand came back to the subject… “Mom, I’ve been thinking, maybe I might have had some of that ‘Autistism’ stuff in high school”- (me-sincere, straight face, very important)  “but,” he kept on, “the word Autistic is very “toxic” right now.  If it ever enters a conversation… (trying to say-all my efforts are lost.)”    There you have it- wisdom from them who know.

So, you know,  prayers are pretty constant for me-

This morning I had a beautiful flash of insight- remembering all the years of coaching kids thru their prayers, there were significant amounts of times that I would have to tell them to think of 3 good things every night to say thank you for… And it suddenly translated into making a place for teens to play a similar game of one good thing every day for the summer.  I am excited- I think this will be good.  Already my TeaRose is on board.  She looked up baby-giggle videos to share- which got us sitting side-by-side on my bed, a laptop each; and me coaching her thru the details of deeper navigating of face book – and ended in a “poke” fight that went to a tickle fight– and released the rest of that soda bottle for her… I love my kids.  So grateful for Heaven’s Help to get them thru this mountain of life.  Keeping on-one day at a time.

Love ya-

(oh- p.s. note… while looking for photos, I found an amazing science project site… going to have to do this one during this summer…http://www.stevespanglerscience.com/lab/experiments/mentos-soda-popdrop

Categories: "only with Autism" Adventures, LDS Mom of Autism, Midnight musings, Parables | 1 Comment

The tale of Gandalf and Winston Churchill, and a thing called Defiance

This school semester has been an exceptional adventure… tho I have to admit, not so much in the fun way.  Full of all the “joys” that a broken van, then a broken hubby’s car, of course the asd’s trying to stay sane with high school state mandated tests, and 11th grade English (still not sure we’ll make it on that one), an overabundance of doctor appointments trying to hunt down health problems- finding one- and the panic of scoliosis needing surgery (has anyone got any good thoughts on getting Spectrum anxiety thru that one?), all stirred together in a house still trying to get thru the chaos of remodeling as we work to add a couple rooms for the older boys.  There has been good things too- like walking 6 or more miles all over Disney, chaperoning with the 8th grade orchestra workshop- I’m so proud of her!

But I would be very ungrateful if I did not mention a very amazing moment of “wow- I love the gift of inspiration!” right smack in the middle of everything.

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One day, right in the middle of all that was going on, I had to go get hubby from work, and my younger boy was having one of those “I do not like submitting, Mom-I-am;  I will not, can not, move my brain from this stand” kind of days; so  I made a snap decision that he had to come with me in the car. He hates those times– it means he has pushed too far.  I have told him that he has to earn the trust bucket of staying home on his own when I make my errands… But suddenly, I didn’t feel like reminding him of this.  Instead- after lots of hugs- I had the feeling that he was old enough to learn the term “Defiant.”

So– here’s my story…….

“DK- Do you know that Gandalf and Winston Churchill are a lot alike?”

“No.”

“Yup- they could practically be brothers.”  (did you know that?)  Suddenly all was calm, and I had him in rapt attention.

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“In fact, Even tho’ Gandalf (the wizard of the story “Lord of the Rings”) is fictional, and Churchill wasn’t, there was a point in each of their stories that was very close to the same situation.  You see, both men were very concerned with helping others in the big picture sort of way- and both were fairly well known in their peer groups, what you might call the movers and shakers of politics; but they were not all that well known to the common person or to other countries.  And that was just fine with them. And both were at the right place at the right time when their unique qualities were most needed…

“So super-shorthand version; at one point in the story, Gandalf was taking his group of questing friends across the high mountains.  All other paths to safety had been blocked, and they had no choice but to go thru the deep, dark, caves called the mines of Moria.   Then they found out that it was completely over-run by the enemy; they were horribly outnumbered and out-gunned.  Miraculously,  they won free enough to make one last run for freedom, and then the great Balrog appeared….

“Now- do you know who Churchill was? (Naturally I got a startled- uhhh) Well, Churchill grew up in Britain.  Sometime between the World Wars, he decided to get into politics.  By the time of Germany’s invasions of Europe, Winston was respected enough in his circles of influence in the British Parliament, that he was elected into the office of Prime Minister.   Britain tried to ride the mountain peaks of staying out of the war- but Nazi Germany was moving fast.  It did not last long before all choices had been blocked off- and they were in their own version of the mines of Moria- it was War- and it was dark, frightening, they were badly outnumbered and out-gunned.  For a while they were holding their own, but then came the bombing raids….

(do you hear the dum-dum-dummm music?)

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“So- do you know what the word ‘defiant’ means?”  umm…. so I continued.

“Here we have Gandalf on the bridge.  He has made the decision that there is nothing that will move him from keeping his friends safe.  So he stands on the bridge, and holds up his hand, and (say it with me)  “YOU SHALL NOT PASS” (and if Tolkien had ever heard of periods between words for more emphasis, it would have probably been written that way.)   THAT is defiance.  Every ounce of his energy is focused into the act of ‘defying’, or refusing, any further progress to his enemy.

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In Britain, Churchill faced an equal need for defiance- but it was not such a personal battle- it was his whole country in need.  For after the Nazi regime conquered the surrounding countries; then they turned all that extended power towards the Island of Britain.  The people needed the courage to ALL stand against the enemy. Churchill had to spend some time, and much of his attention to speeches and any other thing he could think of, to gather and rally his people to stand fast and ‘DEFY’ the whole enlarged German empire.

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We shall defend our island, whatever the cost may be, we shall fight on the beaches, we shall fight on the landing grounds, we shall fight in the fields and in the streets, we shall fight in the hills; we shall never surrender.

 

Now- is what they did a good thing?  Yes, absolutely.  Defiance, by itself is like a box of matches.  It is not the matches that are good or bad, but what they are used for.  When we use our feelings of defiance for purely selfish reasons- for just us, and what WE want, or just because we don’t feel like doing something, or don’t feel like obeying someone, the world calls that “oppositional defiance”.  The Scriptures call it selfishness or childishness, or Pride.   When we use that inner feeling for good, for helping others, or for a just cause- that kind of defiance is called “inner Strength.”  It is also the only kind that can build our courage.   As we grow, it is the mark of maturity and true greatness to turn our ‘defiant’ tendencies into this inner strength.  I feel for the moms of Gandalf and Churchill- but aren’t you glad they learned to use their defiance for truly good causes?  They learned how to turn their childhood struggles into Great Strengths, and this is a very big reason that we think of them as great Men.  You are on the road to being Great too– I have seen you as you try to overcome your weaknesses.  And don’t forget- ask for help- that is also a part of growing up to become a great man.”

Categories: LDS Mom of Autism, Parables | Leave a comment

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