10 He found him in a desert land, and in the waste howling wilderness; he led him about, he instructed him, he kept him as the apple of his eye.
11 As an eagle stirreth up her nest, fluttereth over her young, spreadeth abroad her wings, taketh them, beareth them on her wings:
12 So the Lord alone did lead him.
So- This is my scripture for today… it describes this year so well, I especially love the phrase “waste howling wilderness”. Yup. I started trying to get back to writing ever since summer, but I still am not very up to it. The big surgery that I mentioned in my “Mighty Wind” post really broadsided me and my sweet TeaRose. The doctor tells us that it takes a full year to recover from spinal surgery, but that doesn’t help with trying to get thru 12th grade. And me- well, everywhere I look is something that needs my attention, or that has been put on the back burner because I just am not keeping up. I really hit that “howling” stage.
But then I found myself feeling prompted to re-read old journal entries. That helped me find the reserves to re-kindle my desire to watch for the good moments and such… and I think this week has been a bit better. Little victories, for me and the kids. One of those moments recently, was after my oldest said- “Mom, the last 2 or 3 years have just not felt like Christmas. This year, I don’t really want anything much as far as presents, but I would like to ask for the house to really be decorated (like I used to do) and make the spirit of the season feel like Christmas.” You know— putting up the Christmas tree this week has been really hard- I’m not quite done yet- but it’s been really good for me too. I am very grateful.
Another surprising lift came last Tuesday. It was the girls’ “Excellence night” with their young women’s group at church, and TeaRose decided that she agreed with me, that getting thru the surgery was the hardest growing that she has ever done, and let me put the before and after x-ray pics on her poster… I had not expected the sudden turnaround in people’s judging of our situation when the saw how truly major it had been.
Maybe I should have known. But putting the x-rays there was a hard call for me too– I really don’t like to seem like I am trying to seek attention; but on the other hand, I have really been craving just a little tiny shred of rope to hang on to when mine is all gone and I am drowning. Finally the time was right, and I’m glad I followed that prompting. It went really well.
Well, I guess I am out of time tonight. You know, I still am overwhelmed, but I have felt the closeness of the Lord much better this week- and I know He is still keeping me going. So- anyway- perhaps I am really writing this for someone out there who also feels this way sometimes. You are not alone either. He and I both love you very much.