Monthly Archives: April 2016

Just a day

Just a day:

Hubby had to help drive the girls to school because yesterday I had an angiogram to try to find causes for neuropathy (can’t drive for 24 hours after that kind of office visit) Then he had to help pick them up- still keeping up with job, too… One asd hubby curled into a ball on the couch for a while.

Meanwhile, both older boys had a migraine (at the same time is rare, but the dust and pollen outside is remarkably high today).

Get home and both girls are not feeling the best, but after a break they let me push them thru homework time and getting ready for church volleyball.

I used to like volleyball.

But today was super loud for my T’s sensory hearing struggles, and it was especially hard when the coach’s whistle was right near her; and the crowd was especially loud and competitive; and her coach had a very hard time letting her rotate in with normal turns… So the drive home was a very long session of finding ways to forgive those who get lost in the competition too far to think of others’ feelings.

Then, as she curled her 5’10” into a ball in my lap, she finally whispered her biggest dread of the day- she got so panicked in seminary that she couldn’t respond to the nice comments from the girls near her, and “mom- I just rocked, and rocked and couldn’t stop for a long time” -she hates doing that in front of others. (the Substitute teacher had asked her to stand up and do the devotional)

Well, they are all finally in bed and asleep, Mommy has indulged in one of the big pain pills from yesterday, and it’s finally time to look for silver linings, the moments of seeing the good.

So— Well, I am truly blessed with a hubby so devoted to me.  He pushes himself beyond his pain and fears daily to fill in for my weak spots and take care of me.

— My older boys both care about me and still hug me, they are also getting downright good at staying-if not cheerful- at least in control and pleasant with sibs right thru a migraine attack.

–Not to forget my DK, he is trying hard to work on his attitude and self control when I tell him it’s time to get off the computer.  It’s our goal at the moment, and he is not always successful, but I see him try, and grow, and I notice profusely when he succeeds.

—My angel girls care so much for each other, and physically hurt if they hurt the other one’s feelings.  And T finally let me guide her thru looking up our favorite scripture on Fear Not (Isaiah 41:10) and print it up for tomorrow,

—And Hubby is massaging my feet- that counts for double 🙂

Not too bad,  I can sleep now.

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Categories: LDS Mom of Autism | 2 Comments

Dragging Angels thru the Mud…Watching for Tender Mercies

Just an ordinary Thursday.  But it’s not really.
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Today is a milestone amid the mundane.
For the mundane, it’s a homework day; and I am sitting here watching my hero-warrior daughter fight to keep doing her homework even though the effort of staying focused after a full day of battling sensory struggles and sorting thru social thinking, always brings her to tears and makes her heart hurt.
For the Milestone; today marks one more month left before the end of the last semester of her senior year.
But not graduation.
It’s been a hard couple of years, as the pace of 11th grade was never really recovered from before full fusion back surgery for scoliosis.  So in order to keep her functioning and moving forward, I have had to insist that she can’t do double-time pace that the school district wants to force upon our kids.  I have even had the councilors say that lots of kids are having emotional anxiety this year, and they say it with puzzlement. It’s a duh moment… but for my sweet Angel, it’s like a jaunt thru Hades.  So she has a few online classes left.  Or not.  The public school won’t talk about GED options, it’s not in their best interest financially.  But I already have been that way for my older boys- the pain of High School was more than they were able to bear.  So yes, I know that road.
“What about accommodations?” you ask… Well,  my journal friend, IEP helps are only given for those who cannot keep their grades up without it.  She has a few 504 helps, but that’s all the help we have ever been able to get the red tape to do. That nasty catch 22 of twice gifted.  It’s tripping us up as she is no longer coping well, and it’s even getting to her health.  But my sweet T has a lot of friends. It’s a great group of angels that were drawn to each other in early Junior high.  And she really wanted to walk across stage at graduation with them.  It’s the only reason I have been helping her fight to keep the pace.  She tells me I am the character “Joy” and she is “Sadness” being dragged thru school by the foot.  I’m not sure that makes me feel any better.
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I used to manage to stay afloat fairly well, bouncing back from moments of drowning, with the help of Heaven and Family and faith, tho the House chores suffer.  But as the years roll on, my health has grown more untrustworthy, in large part from the decades of sleep deprivation; and I suppose I empathize too much with my older kids as they move thru all this.  It gets harder and harder for them, and for me.
So today, on the tail end of the latest unsuccessful red-tape moment, I tried finding some comfort at Deseret Bookstore.  But I couldn’t find anything to fill my need.  So I turned to fb friends for comments on “How to hang on to joy thru our special griefs”.   Most of the comments managed to remind me of things I already knew, but couldn’t bring my tired head to remember.  For that I am so very grateful.
Perhaps you would like to see a bit of the list. (In no particular order)I didn’t list ask for help- because I think this list is for those times that come after that.
-Thinking outside the box
-Gratitude / focusing on the positives
-Stay in the moment
-Laugh
-Favorite Scriptures / first aid scriptures
-Praying for peace / Pray a lot
-Be gentle with Yourself
-Watching for Tender Mercies
-Recognizing the blessings that come BECAUSE of the griefs
and don’t forget
-chocolate and Hiding in the bathroom
🙂
Not bad- I can remember moments when I have used all the above.  I also have used
-naps
-service (to others outside my family, usually in secret)
-indexing (and temple work)
sometimes there is no time/ energy for more than a shower, but I always know that I can ask for the blessings of the priesthood to help.
Well, working thru all this was so good for me.  Especially the reminder to watch for the Tender Mercies.    One tender mercy already tonight, is that I somehow had the courage to tell my sweet daughter about the school’s position of the day- and she was carried by all the prayers from family and friends, to stay ok (not happy, but still able to think and keep moving forward) Very big moment of gratitude here.
So, time to get back on track with my good moments journal…Thanks to everyone who pulls together to help us out in our struggles.  I’ll end with a  courage quote that popped up in my memories feed on fb today.
“The struggle of life is one of our greatest blessings. It makes us patient, sensitive, and Godlike. It teaches us that although the world is full of suffering, it is also full of the overcoming of it.”
― Helen Keller

(Jerimiah 1:19   And they shall fight against thee; but they shall not prevail against thee; for I am with thee, saith the Lord, to deliver thee.)

Categories: LDS Mom of Autism, Midnight musings | 2 Comments

The Gift of a Friend

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It started somewhere in the first days of Junior High.  A lovely sweet girl did the tiniest act of kindness on instinct.  She invited my young TeaRose to sit with her and her group of friends for lunch.  She probably didn’t even think it was that big of a deal.

That one small gift built.  The group of friends she had gathered around her, all had that same spark that drew them together, the spark of reaching out in kindness.  They drew T in, and others along the way, becoming a tight core of friends-changing a little here and there with the changes in school lunches and other fortunes of life- but always sticking it out with each other.  All the way.

Today that gift had reached all the way to the night of Senior Spring Prom- which T did not want to attend.  And it turned out some of the others didn’t either.  So one lovely young lady decided to throw an “un-prom” pizza party, and didn’t even think twice about inviting T, she was totally just part of the group.

OH, how much fun TeaRose had!!!!!  She came home giddy with joy, telling me how wonderful her friend’s parents were and how silly her friend’s brothers were, and how much she loved her friends.  Oh, and how she had never stayed up this late at a friend’s house before. 😉   So now, it’s quarter to 11:00, and she barely made it thru prayers before the sugar crash and the late bedtime tackled her hard… but I am so grateful.  Life is hard.  Some years are harder than others, and this year has been crushing.  But for this one moment in time, my sweet warrior had the gift of just being a normal friend at a senior party.  Such a beautiful gift.

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Categories: LDS Mom of Autism, Midnight musings | Leave a comment

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