Dragging Angels thru the Mud…Watching for Tender Mercies

Just an ordinary Thursday.  But it’s not really.
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Today is a milestone amid the mundane.
For the mundane, it’s a homework day; and I am sitting here watching my hero-warrior daughter fight to keep doing her homework even though the effort of staying focused after a full day of battling sensory struggles and sorting thru social thinking, always brings her to tears and makes her heart hurt.
For the Milestone; today marks one more month left before the end of the last semester of her senior year.
But not graduation.
It’s been a hard couple of years, as the pace of 11th grade was never really recovered from before full fusion back surgery for scoliosis.  So in order to keep her functioning and moving forward, I have had to insist that she can’t do double-time pace that the school district wants to force upon our kids.  I have even had the councilors say that lots of kids are having emotional anxiety this year, and they say it with puzzlement. It’s a duh moment… but for my sweet Angel, it’s like a jaunt thru Hades.  So she has a few online classes left.  Or not.  The public school won’t talk about GED options, it’s not in their best interest financially.  But I already have been that way for my older boys- the pain of High School was more than they were able to bear.  So yes, I know that road.
“What about accommodations?” you ask… Well,  my journal friend, IEP helps are only given for those who cannot keep their grades up without it.  She has a few 504 helps, but that’s all the help we have ever been able to get the red tape to do. That nasty catch 22 of twice gifted.  It’s tripping us up as she is no longer coping well, and it’s even getting to her health.  But my sweet T has a lot of friends. It’s a great group of angels that were drawn to each other in early Junior high.  And she really wanted to walk across stage at graduation with them.  It’s the only reason I have been helping her fight to keep the pace.  She tells me I am the character “Joy” and she is “Sadness” being dragged thru school by the foot.  I’m not sure that makes me feel any better.
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I used to manage to stay afloat fairly well, bouncing back from moments of drowning, with the help of Heaven and Family and faith, tho the House chores suffer.  But as the years roll on, my health has grown more untrustworthy, in large part from the decades of sleep deprivation; and I suppose I empathize too much with my older kids as they move thru all this.  It gets harder and harder for them, and for me.
So today, on the tail end of the latest unsuccessful red-tape moment, I tried finding some comfort at Deseret Bookstore.  But I couldn’t find anything to fill my need.  So I turned to fb friends for comments on “How to hang on to joy thru our special griefs”.   Most of the comments managed to remind me of things I already knew, but couldn’t bring my tired head to remember.  For that I am so very grateful.
Perhaps you would like to see a bit of the list. (In no particular order)I didn’t list ask for help- because I think this list is for those times that come after that.
-Thinking outside the box
-Gratitude / focusing on the positives
-Stay in the moment
-Laugh
-Favorite Scriptures / first aid scriptures
-Praying for peace / Pray a lot
-Be gentle with Yourself
-Watching for Tender Mercies
-Recognizing the blessings that come BECAUSE of the griefs
and don’t forget
-chocolate and Hiding in the bathroom
🙂
Not bad- I can remember moments when I have used all the above.  I also have used
-naps
-service (to others outside my family, usually in secret)
-indexing (and temple work)
sometimes there is no time/ energy for more than a shower, but I always know that I can ask for the blessings of the priesthood to help.
Well, working thru all this was so good for me.  Especially the reminder to watch for the Tender Mercies.    One tender mercy already tonight, is that I somehow had the courage to tell my sweet daughter about the school’s position of the day- and she was carried by all the prayers from family and friends, to stay ok (not happy, but still able to think and keep moving forward) Very big moment of gratitude here.
So, time to get back on track with my good moments journal…Thanks to everyone who pulls together to help us out in our struggles.  I’ll end with a  courage quote that popped up in my memories feed on fb today.
“The struggle of life is one of our greatest blessings. It makes us patient, sensitive, and Godlike. It teaches us that although the world is full of suffering, it is also full of the overcoming of it.”
― Helen Keller

(Jerimiah 1:19   And they shall fight against thee; but they shall not prevail against thee; for I am with thee, saith the Lord, to deliver thee.)

Categories: LDS Mom of Autism, Midnight musings | 2 Comments

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2 thoughts on “Dragging Angels thru the Mud…Watching for Tender Mercies

  1. Debbie

    Hugs! It is so hard on parents to watch the struggles their children go through. I have to remember that what I want might not be what Jerianne wants. She refused to go to her graduation, of which turned outo to be a good thing. It was an outdoor event, it was 104, sunny, windy with gusts over 60 MPhil! It would not have been a signed diploma anyway so she could go to the transition program. At least she went to the STEP graduation ceremony. Prayers for her. And prayers for you & the family. HUGS!

  2. zPolarBear

    I like ‘-chocolate and Hiding in the bathroom’ 😉

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